If I could have studied more I would have done better.
If you weren't talking to me, I would not have gotten into an accident.
I'm so stupid not to know that he was going to do this again!
And then there is the one we don't say out loud, but feel if we are being honest: I'm to blame if they aren't satisfied.
There have been many instances when I struggled with saying, "No". Getting out of an unhealthy relationship, turning down a plea for volunteers, backing out of plans to celebrate a friend's birthday... I struggled with all of it because I wanted to make people happy- but also because I was afraid of my "No" causing them immense pain. Seriously. I assumed that my presence was going to either MAKE or BREAK their day/week/month/life. I was placing all of the blame of other's [nonexistent] misery on myself.
Blaming is a thinking error that deflects all responsibility or assumes all responsibility.
Neither is true.
You are not perfect (no not one!),
nor so important (sorry) to be fully responsible.
(God IS more powerful And able).
It just is not helpful to place blame and wallow in guilt or in anger. Anger is detrimental to communication and guilt assumes a lot of self importance.
Recognizing when you are placing blame is essential. It is often a thinking error we are blind to because being angry can just plain be fun. It builds our EGO and as a result, Edges God Out. However, taking these thoughts captive and focusing on the TRUTH of God's authority and character will provide healthy perspective and the ability to move forward.
I have a dear friend who speaks the truth to me and she said to me, "Emily, you are not that important."
Ouch. But YES. NO, I am NOT that important.
God IS more powerful and able.
Whether you struggle with self blame or blaming others, remembering God's power will bring comfort in knowing that he is working all things together for the good of those who love him. Focus your thoughts on something lovely (and then refocus. And refocus. If you are anything like me, it is easy to get back to churning that blame butter!) Take the thoughts captive- we will get better together!