They must not have been the right one. Why do you drive me so crazy? Do you do it on purpose? They are just not meeting my needs. These are all statements that we hear in therapy from people struggling in their marriage or after divorce. The deep and difficult question is truly- what do you need? And the answer...[ read more ]
I love gardening. Scratch that. I love planting already blooming flowers and looking at them. The next part... where things need water, fertilizer, weeding and re-potting is not my favorite. It is too much work. I have better things to do. But if something is important to you (your marriage relationship), then you need to spend time there. "If couples...[ read more ]
Some things are just better left unsaid. Somethings need to be said very tenderly. Maybe while touching. With a steak in front of you. Or better yet, a steak just consumed. And wine. Most things should be thought about before spoken... and yet some of us (points at self) have a very difficult time with this rule. Our generation grew...[ read more ]
This was a statement made at the marriage conference my handsome husband and I went to and it just rang. out. We exchanged side eyes. Knowing looks. How many times have I been ready for bed and he walks through the room, face-in-phone? There goes any opportunity for pillow talk. How many times have we been in a hurry to...[ read more ]
This falls right in line with yesterday's post to cultivate contentment. The quote that floats around pinterest (supposedly) by Jim Carrey comes to mind. "I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer." I think there is something deep within me that thinks if I have a...[ read more ]
How often do you get swept away by desire for what you want? The goal is gratefulness for what we have. But this is very counter cultural these days. Pinterest, Facebook, Pottery Barn... they are all working against our desire to be content. "Have a body you are proud of!" "Build the laundry room of your dreams!" "Love your Husband...[ read more ]
This was the take away that was most evident immediately after the Weekend to Remember Conference. The homework was to make a list of the positive attributes that you admire/appreciate about your husband and reflect on them. It is a practice in gratefulness and perspective. From my experience, it is totally against the grain! Celebrate what is good in your...[ read more ]
The amount of grief in the lives of my friends and my clients is heavy. If you allowed the people that gather in your office, church or school to one-by-one list five hurts they are dealing with currently, you and everyone in the room would be weeping when the sharing was finished. Life is hard. Why do we expect things...[ read more ]
For the month of September, I am going to be passing on some words of wisdom that I picked up when my handsome husband and I went to the Weekend to Remember Marriage Conference. We went when we were in the middle of a serious transition, welcoming our first baby home... and finding our roles, routines and relationship all out of...[ read more ]
"See the problem as the object in front of your and your spouse as your teammate." I was guilty of seeing my spouse as my competitor today. Pretty much anytime I have the thought, "I'm right, you're wrong." The foundational truth is that our marriages exist to point people to our God. We are called to love our spouse like...[ read more ]